Stayin' Alive!

Yo! A thought occurred to me. "What if the LiveJournal admins are like, 'We need more space. Purge everything older than 7 years!'?" I mean, I doubt they'll do that!! But *just in case*! I thought I'd make a post. Oddly I remembered my password after only 1 failed attempt, after 7 years. Maybe that's a bad thing if it's been that long since I changed it!! lol.

Anyhow, the OTHER blog on word press is still the active one, though it has a ton of privated posts. meh. ANYHOO, miss and love all you guys, ttyl :)


dead end

Dear Reader,

You've reached the end of this thread.

Alas, I will be posting all blogs to the hip and happening WordPress site nowadays.

Thanks for your comments, sharing, etc, I'm moving on to a brave new world with wordpress. l8r! ;)


...sorry, can you repeat that again?

Typical and very common line in conference calls. One call, 20 people, only 4 are actively involved in the project, so the other 16 people work or fiddle thumbs during the call (myself included) and then you hear your name! "Andrew, do you think that's a good idea?" hehe. I respond in my most serious voice I can muster, "Yes, ...what, can you say that proposal again?" :P

the only reason I feel no shame in that is that everyone else does the same thing, heh.

I don't know why I started this post talking about frackin' work and stuff, hehe. sorry!! Let's start again.

Facebook has a lite version of itself: if you must have the old style FB.

I think this post is going to become a random post of blathering!

I have a youtube video that I created (in only like 4 hours) with 32000+ views! yay! :)

They are giving raises at work this year. "Modest...[clap ensues]... no, don't clap! Modest, I don't want to raise expectations! </ceo>"

I've been posting a lot here lately. Maybe I realized that my postings to the IRC channel aren't exactly permanent and that my thoughts would be more immortalized here, hehe. I've often wanted to compile a collection of my late-night IRC comments.

Avatar is out. I loved it in the theatre, though I'd forgotten about it since then but then watching a DVD release commercial of it made me like it all over again. EYE CANDY RULES! nom nom nom.

i need to email someone now. 30-second ReFresh(tm): fleshlights are awesome. box wine is tasty. computer hardware repair sucks. lawncare is neglected when you have kids. tax refunds are great, Rachelle is an awesome artist, EBlack has an awesome beard, i have a bald spot AND receding hairline :P, christine is happy :) (*hugs*), ants are mounting forces, Fallout3 is lame but fun, I need more sleep, the green-look of LJ is kinda weird. CAUTION, CONTENTS ARE HOT!

meh, I hope you've read this post with the sense that it's 2:27am now :). I hate the word 'meh' because of it's associations with someone else, heh.


This post didn't turn out how I thought it would. I was hoping for a more lofty "ideas" type of post. oh well, I guess this post is just reality, enjoy :)


*hugs*!!!! (I've noticed that I've said that ('hugs') in the last several posts. I think it's important to feel virtual hugs nowadays with life being so busy. Feel me VIRTUALLY hug you. DO IT! hehe)


*BLURT*!... oh, excuse me....

not sure what I'm going to type here, so I'm going to let the fingers just wander and see what happens.

it's nice to be able to type at about the same speed you think, hehe.

In high-school I once tried typing continuously for like 5 minutes WITHOUT *any* pause or thinking. It's hard to do. It's hard to not pause at all in your thoughts. Well, for me it is. some people are very easily able to ramble on forever, hehe. it's an interesting distinction in personalities.

At any rate, I'm posting this because I wanted to comment on some things... (duh!).

--Content Below-- </wiki>

Ummm. Rachel, I LOVE your art, i really want to buy your painted guitar, hehe:
You rock, I'm jealous, hehe.

Monica, I have that cat picture, heaviside layer, printed out in full 20x30 and framed, but I haven't had the time to hang it on a wall yet! Sucks. I've shown it to many people though. :) I love it very much and can't wait to share it with as many people as I can.

I have no more fun, I'm sorry. wine and late night dictates I should sleep now.

goodnight, hugs, etc.... :D


avery always laughs when I MOOOO at him, heh.

I've been playing Fallout 3 recently. It's a craptacular fail of a game by all means, but it's keeping me engaged in playing for the storyline. keeps me busy at night while my insomnia kicks in, heh. I'm trying to get into Rivet City right now, for those interested...

i have no other reason to post this other than it's 2:36am and I felt like I needed to do "something" tonight besides waste time playing a game. i planned on working a bit, but of course that hasn't gone well for about 18 months now. I used to thrive on catching up this time of night, but life changes and now this time of night is mostly slothy. :(

at any rate, hi, hallo 'guvner, etc... good night, and as usual: *hugs* :D



that's it. I have no explanation, this post is a cliffhanger; an enigma (not an enema!).

just feeling happy for a little moment and wanted to share without rambling or drama, hehe.

good night, and happy, err...oh, that's today; Happy Pear Blossom Festival Day! ;)

  • Current Mood
    chipper chipper

not güd

HI peeps!

just feeling like posting more thoughts. seems to happen when I break away from the zoning out on the computer and use the restroom. I tend to think during that little break and think, "hmm I have feelings and thoughts to share!"

i really don't want to post pessimistic posts here but man I'm in such a funk lately, it's hard not to.

Abriella has turned into a child I don't hardly know. she's rebellious, doesn't listen to her mom or me much, and just whines and acts random. I seriously wonder sometimes if it's her brain chemistry. I've asked her on numerous occasions if she feels like she sometimes can't control the way she acts and if that bothers her (very bad way to ask a question; it's loaded and sided towards one view, meh). She's mentioned yes on a few occasions.

Amanda has come up with the theory that red dye causes her behavior issues, and we've seen SOME correlation with that, but I'm not convinced entirely of the dye being the cause.

In portland recently there was a weird instance where she was SCREAMING in the Chicago pizza place, though slightly justified because she fell off her chair. Either way, she was in hysterics one moment in the car (I took her to it to remove her from the restaurant) where she went from screaming to empathy and was like, "Daddy, you can go back in if you want. i can stay here." and she was totally calm all of a sudden and thoughtful and compassionate. wtf?! It's like night and day.

anyhow, I don't want to ramble more about that, maybe kids are just that way when they're 4 years old? I dunno?! Forget "terrible twos", abriella was AWESOME as a two year old and learned lessons and listened and talked, and now that she's 4, it's just such a struggle.

moving on!

Avery... he's starting to act like a real person. which is relieving, because I can't stand babies. He responds to words and sentences and well hehe, like I already said, he is starting to act like a human. Finally. A light at the end of the dark dark tunnel.

I feel guilty (uh-oh, here comes the negative stuff I promised I wouldn't talk about in the first paragraph!!) every day for the opportunities I've missed with Avery.

With Abriella, I held her almost every night, I sang to her, I created like 90 variations of the "ABC" melody for her and changed it every night and rocked her to sleep and put a LOT of effort into teaching her and making sure she was enlightened.

I haven't done ANY of that for Avery and I feel like such a fucking asshole because of it. Already a year has gone by. I just pray he will develop normally despite that lack of attention from me, though his Mom, Amanda, has provided more than adequate care for him and attention. I'm not hiding behind her care as an excuse for my lack of care, I'm praising her mothering abilities.


oh boy, what else can I share in a more positive light? heh. it's 2am, that's usually a bad time for me to be posting this because I'm intoxicated and emotional. Some good news though is that I got my annual (approx) hepatic blood tests done recently and all results are normal! :) I swear to not let those good results bolden me to drink more. I'm WELL aware of the negative effects of alcohol, I've done a fuckton (see of research into it and know the consequences.

ok, back to positive thoughts. ummm.... meh, I'll just post this now with a smile and call it good. Goodnight folks, I love you all :) *hugs*


Hello? Hehe, not sure what to post right now, I just felt like I should post something. Mostly just because I feel lonely and need someone to talk to and since that's not available, I'll post to nobody! :)

I do that a lot on the IRC chatroom I hang out in every night. Myself and about 20 co-workers and ex-workers and other people we've all met over the years hang out in a chat room every day to post our thoughts and ramblings for anyone to respond to.

Since I got my webcam I'm wondering if I should post these thoughts to youtube, heh. I'm not sure how articulately I could reproduce my thoughts in video. Also, the last time I experimented with a youtube video, I didn't really like it because my facial expressions were so exaggerated, and my eye-expressions showed so many wrinkles and ya... I shouldn't even worrying about that sort of stuff, hehe. But as a youtube fan I know I would get so many haters commenting on those things if I posted that video and if anyone actually viewed it, hehe.

The internet is a harsh place nowadays. The girl that posted the Amber Lamps video is getting TONS of death threats on her youtube channel. WTF is up with that?! damn I should stop typing now, hehe, the web just pisses me off too much sometimes :).

It's the weekend, I should be happy for that, hehe.

I should be happy for Amanda and all that she does to help raise the children despite my shortcomings and horrible outlook on things. I appreciate it so much and feel so guilty about it, and I feel SO sad about the relationships I have with my children right now that I just really don't know what to do about it, so mostly I just go into LIMBO mode which sucks and makes me feel more guilty about my lack of parenting skills.

I want to just say, "Ok, i suck as a parent, I don't like kids, other people do, I don't, I'm selfish," and have other people say, "I respect and understand your feelings" but I don't think that's how it will happen if I do that, heh.

Unfortunately I'm at a point where I'm willing to accept that many people will hate me and view me to be a monster for rejecting my family, and that also makes me really sad, bitter, and angry that I'm willing to accept that! Again, the limbo feeling makes it easier to see this. But I haven't yet, obviously since I'm still here :).

i would like to claim that all the anger around me from others has made me feel this way, but I feel that no one else can control how I feel, which is a nice theory. truely no one else can MAKE you feel the way you do, but their actions DO have an impact on your physiological responses that you may not be able to control easily.

With that said, I'm going to sleep. I am tired, drunk, ranting, and basically just trying to expose all my feelings in this post. This post should be looked at from a THIRD PERSON point of view. If you can't do that, don't comment ;). well, comment if you want, just know that biased comments will be ignored (see how I have a pro-active defense mechanism because of the people I live with and they way they communicate??!)

'night :) *hugs*

peach dreams

Well, I followed thru on my last post and ordered a webcam! It just arrived today, and I was like, "huh? what did I order??!" until I opened it and remembered, hehe.

Seems like a pretty nice one... well video-wise. audio kinda sucks for music recording, so I used my other mic (oddly enough it's also by logitech but much better quality) to record this guitar video tonight:

Fun little drop-D drone song I've been working on over the years.

I was going to type a lot more on this post, but it seems I've been interrupted again by people and forgot what I was thinking about. I don't know when I will be alone again but I hope it's very soon.

At any rate, there's the video, my new cam, maybe it'll usher in a new era of sharing. I browsed tonight briefly with my webcam on. It was a bit awkward and uncomfortable to say the least, hahah. But I may try it again :).

whee, posting on livejournal again, hope this faux-freedom feeling lasts for a while! :)


WHY haven't I had a webcam and mic for the past 4 years?! i have thought about it so much and what I would do with those items, and post and game, etc.

WTF haven't I ordered those items until just now??? I think it's because I am just in such a limbo state of mind day-to-day that I have completely forgot about any other things that interest me that I just drone on oblivious to them.

I emoted in my last post that I will post how I feel, hehe. Well, I feel AWFUL! (will i edit this later is the question of the day). Also, there's some stigma to ordering webcams. I know that from living with past roommates, and it's very uncomfortable to post that, but webcams are such a strong geek-thing and I was so upset when my ex-roommate thought that I ordered webcams to spy on her that I moved out. I am sorry for that transition in my life, but really it was a horrible feeling to have my passion for cams turned into fear.

Honestly, that moment totally scarred me from cams for so long, along with a work-related accusation that I was spying on someone with my work cam! WTF?!?! those two moment COMPLETELY derailed me from online broadcasting of myself.

I'm getting too upset now to post rationally, hehe. I just don't understand the problem, well i understand, but don't see the logic in it.

sorry for the positive beginning and rant ending ;), I'll post this and analyze how I should proceed in future posts.